A few weeks ago I was writing to someone who had commented on a PoleFreaks article – her point of view was that people perhaps get jealous of her as she progressed quickly, inverting after only her second lesson.
I started to think about pole jealousy and whether it exists.
I know I’ve had my own share of comments I’d rather not receive about how someone else can do it easier, stronger, better or cleaner. I’ve never considered this to be pole jealousy, but rather people furthering their own pole journey.
Are We Jealous?
I know I’m jealous of so many polers. So many people can do such incredible things that I can’t do, and I wish I could do them. Everytime I see moves I can’t do, it makes me train harder. I guess in this way, my jealousy comes out in a very creative, positive way.
I can understand how jealously gets the better of people. We see things we have been working on for weeks or longer, to have someone show us that they can do it with ease on their first try. It’s difficult and frustrating when we can’t do moves and others can.
In class there is so much positivity all around and everyone encourages each other. Once in a blue moon, someone will really struggle. I’ll hear people say that they aren’t as good as the other people in the room. I know that feeling all too well, but I’ve learnt not to pay attention to it any more.
Your pole journey is your own and only positivity will help you get further. It can be difficult watching others and seeing how easy it looks for them. But perhaps they pole at home or workout in the gym, do maybe do hoop or silks to get them stronger. What you don’t realise is that they are probably looking at you during certain moves wishing they could do it as well as you can.
Can You Stop It?
Well no, probably not. Jealously is natural – we always want to be able to do things bigger and better than before. But perhaps you can channel any jealousy into a positive. There’s no need to make other people feel bad. Any one of us could comment on any amazing pole pic or video saying that we could do it better. Whether true or not, there’s no need to put others down to make ourselves feel better.
Use jealousy as a way of keeping you on your pole journey. Keep trying harder moves and keep progressing. We want to see what moves you can do, and keep supporting you. Lots of pole love 😀
Jealousy comments usually don’t get me down… Until I was teaching this past Tuesday night… And a student said that she was able to do this exact move with the other instructor, but with me it was impossible. It was a basic move too… It caught me so off guard and I really didn’t know what to do, so I helped her as much as I could, and when one of my suggestions helped her she still looked at me defeated and said I’m still not doing it :(. I have never felt so bad about anything in my entire life. But then I realized the class before I had successfully helped a student into her butterfly and superman. And got two other people to invert as well. I am a good instructor I just might not be the instructor for her and that is okay. But dang that stuck a nerve that I didn’t think would be so intense.
Sorry to hear that! At least it did make you feel like that though – it means you care about what you do! It’s amazing how one comment from one person can outweigh all of the positives we have. As you say, focus on all the good you have done and how much you have helped people 🙂 X
Too right it exists but I find it manifests itself as disappointment in myself. I have been poling for a year and I think I can do some pretty cool stuff bearing in mind I only go to class twice a week, there are some ladies who have been going longer than me who can’t do Superman, whereas I have picked it up quicker and who haven’t attempted a Jade, whereas it’s something i’m working on and improving all the time BUT that doesn’t stop me feeling frustrated and disappointed with myself when a young lady who has been doing it less time than me, is shoulder mounting like a pro whereas i’ve only hit it twice unaided and is doing all manner of more advanced moves than I am. I think on the whole, because the pole community is so positive and supportive of each other, jealousy is more against yourself than it is another person.
http://www.diffen.com/difference/Envy_vs_Jealousy
They are not jealous. They are envious.
Envy is wanting what someone else has, like skills or looks nor cute pole outfits! Jealousy is fear you’ll be replaced by someone else, that what you have will be taken away by another.
Envy can be constructive, making you work harder to achieve your own goals and desires. Jealousy is destructive, making you behave irrationally at times, out of fear.
I have pole envy, so I work and train hard to gain more strength and skill. It pushes me to improve.